“HEY STEVIE, WHAT DOES IT SMELL LIKE BACK THERE?”

ANOTHER ONE

EARL HAD NO IDEA WHY HIS WIFE AND HER NEW FRIEND BETTY THAT ALWAYS WEARS FLANNEL SHIRTS WANTED A RAINBOW HOUSE…BUT HE PAINTED IT FOR HER ANYWAY.

Entry for September 29, 2006

HELLO.

T.G.I.F.!

THIS IS A BLOG THAT IS IN REGUARDS TO A 3 HOUR PHONE CONVERSATION I HAD WITH “LOLA” (JAIMIE) LAST NIGHT.

SHE CALLED ME (I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE 3-4 DAYS AND SHE ACTUALLY WAITED 5) AT LIKE ALMOST 10:00pm AND THE CONVERSATION BEGAN VERY SLOW AND PLAIN.

AFTER ABOUT 30 MINUTES OF “CHIT CHAT”… I GOT DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY AND EXPRESSED THE FACT THAT SHE HAD HURT ME TO THE POINT THAT I DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT EVEN AFTER 17 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP AND EVERYTHING THAT WE HAD GONE THROUGH TOGETHER COULD BE FORGIVEN AND I FRANKLY WAS UNSURE IF SHE DESERVED MY FORGIVNESS!

I EXPRESSED THE PAIN THAT I FELT OVER THE E-MAIL THAT JOHN HAD SENT (SHE SWORE THAT SHE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT) AND HOW SHE HAD BEGAN TO WIPE HER ASS WITH ME AND PUSHED ME OUT FAR ENOUGH THAT AFTER MY SURGERY, WHEN I HADN’T HEARD FROM HER, IT PROVED TO ME THAT I SIMPLY WAS NO LONGER IMPORTANT TO HER.

SHE EXPRESSED TO ME THAT SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO DISCOVER WHO SHE WAS ( AND I REMINDED HER THAT I HAD NEVER ASKED HER TO BE ANYTHING BUT HERSELF…EVER!) AND THAT I WOULD NEVER KNOW WHAT LIFE WAS LIKE FOR HER BEING A LESBIAN AND I AGREED, I ALSO POINTED OUT THAT NEITHER ONE OF WOULD EVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE BLACK EITHER, BUT THAT NEVER MATTERED TO EITHER ONE OF US, WHY DID HER SEXUALITY?

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I EXPLAINED THAT THEIR WAS A SHIT LOAD OF “SCAR TISSUE” AND THAT MY EMOTIONS WERE SICK AND TIRED OF HER ABUSE. I ALSO SAID THAT I WASN’T SURE IF OR WHERE THIS FRIENDSHIP COULD GO FROM HERE…

SHE SAID THAT SHE UNDERSTOOD AND SHE APPOLOGIZED ABOUT 40 TIMES.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO…

HOW MUCH MORE DO I ALLOW?

CAN I TRUST HER NOT TO SHIT ON ME AGAIN? (I TOLD HER THAT I DIDN’T KNOW IF I COULD EVER TRUST HER TO BE MY FRIEND AGAIN).

HELP GUYS…

I AM SO CONFUSED.

SHE CLAIMS THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA OF THE UGLY THINGS THAT JOHN SAID, THAT SHE NEVER RECIEVED THE MESSAGES THAT I LEFT ON HER HOME PHONE AFTER MY SURGERY AND SHE ALSO SWEARS THAT SHE WAS GOING TO CALL, AND JUST FIGURED THAT I WAS ANGRY WITH HER, SO SHE BACKED OFF TO GIVE ME TIME TO GET OVER IT AND CALL HER…

DOES THIS ALL SMELL LIKE “ASS SMOKE” BEING BLOWN?

MY HUBBY IS ANGRY WITH HER AND INSISTS THAT HER “UPITY, MAN HATING, SHIT ATTITUDE” IS NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE IN HIS HOME… I DON’T BLAME HIM! HE DID ALSO LET ME KNOW THAT HE IS GOING TO TELL HER THAT HE WILL NO LONGER ALLOW HER TO TREAT ME AS SHITTY AS SHE HAS… I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS STANDOFF. I THINK THAT IF EVERYONE GIVES IT TO HER BOTH BARRELS ABOUT THE WAY SHE HAS TREATED PEOPLE, MAYBE IT WILL HELP HER TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON.

I HAVE JUST HAD THE TOUGHEST SUMMER (EMOTIONALLY) THAT I HAVE EVER HAD AND I AM NOT QUITE SURE IF I CAN SURVIVE THIS TREATMENT AGAIN.

HOW WOULD YOU ALL REACT TO THIS?

LET ME KNOW!

3rd AND LAST ONE TODAY…

HI AGAIN…

THIS IS A BLOG ON A FEW QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE FOR ALL OF YOU…

WHEN YOU WERE KIDS (TRUTHFULLY NOW)…

DID ANY OF YOU “PLAY HOUSE” WITH YOUR COUSINS?

I KNOW THAT I DID… I HAD ONE GROUP OF COUSINS (RELAX SHAY, WRONG GROUP!) THAT I DIDN’T AND ONE GROUP THAT I DID.

IT WAS NEVER HARMFULL, JUST CURIOUSITY AND DEVELOPING I GUESS.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ACTUALLY DIDN’T (SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T HAVE COUSIN’S CLOSE ENOUGH OR UGLY NEIGHBORS, … I DON’T KNOW ANYONE THAT DIDN’T EXPERIMENT WITH SOMEONE CLOSE TO THEIR AGE, A FRIEND, A NEIGHBOR, YOUR BROTHER / SISTER’S FRIEND, SOMEONE ~  I AM NOT THE ONLY PERVERT! ) THAN I AM SURE THAT YOU WERE MASTURBATING DOUBLE TIME!

DO YOU THINK THAT A CHILD SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR THIS?

I NEED SOME INPUT ON THIS SUBJECT.

LETS JUST SAY THAT THERE WERE, OH I DON’T KNOW…6 KIDS AND THERE WAS…UM … ABOUT A 5 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE OLDEST AND THE YOUNGEST, THE OLDEST BEING ABOUT 11… THIS ISOLATED INCIDENT WAS ALL INIATED BY THE YOUNGEST ONE, SHOULD THE OLDEST ONE (11 REMEMBER) BE PUNISHED?  WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

IF YOU SAID YES… FOR HOW LONG?

2 WEEKS, 1 MONTH, 4 YEARS???

HOW DO YOU PUNISH A CHILD FOR THIS?

WHEN IS ENOUGH PUNISHMENT ENOUGH?

INPUT PLEASE!

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THE INPUT…MUCH APPRECIATED.

HELLO!

I AM DONE WITH THE SAD STUFF FOR RIGHT NOW… LETS MOVE ON!

AS SOME OF YOU KNOW I AM 3 MONTHS AND 23 DAYS SMOKE FREE (>HOORAY!!<) HOWEVER I AM ALSO PLUS 32 LBS…(>BOO!!<)

GOOD GOD!

I AM NOT FITTING INTO ANY OF MY CLOTHES AND I AM NOT THE LEAST BIT HAPPY ABOUT IT!

WELL, I HAVE DECIDED TO START WALKING… FOR THE LAST 2 EVENINGS I HAVE WENT ON A WALK, ABOUT A MILE OR SO (BABY STEPS HERE FOLKS)…

THE FIRST NIGHT HUBBY WENT WITH ME AND WHEN WE GOT HOME MY GOD DAMNED CHINS WERE ON FIRE! NOT THE BACK, IN THE CALF… RIGHT IN THE FRONT! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!

WELL ONCE AGAIN I LACED ON MY TENNIS SHOES, THIS TIME I GRABBED THE KID AND WE HEADED OUT… ONLY THIS TIME WE GOT OFF TRACK AND STOPPED TO SEE OUR “GRACIE” (OUR FRIENDS LITTLE GIRL!).

I DIDN’T WALK AS MUCH AS I HAD THE DAY BEFORE, BUT AS TIRED AS I WAS I STILL WENT OUT… THAT SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME FOLKS!

THE PLAN IS TO WALK TO THE POINT THAT I THINK THAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HANDLE JOGGING… BUT I DON’T WANT TO PUSH IT!

I AM ALSO DOING “TRIMSPA” (IT GIVES ME ENERGY, BUT NOT THAT JITTERY, HAIR GROWING, SHAKEY KIND OF ENERGY BUT GOOD ENERGY AND IT MAKES ME PEE… A LOT!), TAKING “CARB BLOCKERS” WITH MY MEALS AND USING A MULTI-VITAMIN AND CALCIUM… DRINKING ABOUT A GALLON OF WATER A DAY AND SLEEPING MORE THAN NORMAL…

TRYING TO LOOSE WEIGHT AFTER 30 SUCKS MY FAT ASS!

WISH ME LUCK…

I AM SO AFRAID THAT I WILL LET MY SON DOWN AND GIVE IN TO THE NICOTINE AGAIN DUE TO SIMPLY GIVING UP AND GIVING IN SO THAT I CAN WEAR MY CLOTHES AGAIN!

!!ARGH!!

I’LL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED!

(THE SCALE SAYS “GO JOG FATASS!”)

~UPDATE~

LAST NIGHT WAS THE SECOND ROUND OF “THE GREAT CHIN FIRE OF 2006″…OUCH…

BUT ON A POSSITIVE NOTE, AS OF THIS MORNING 9/29/06… I HAVE LOST 5 LBS SINCE LAST WEEK!

HOORAY!

Entry for September 28, 2006

WELL I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT THE HOSTAGE STANDOFF IS OVER, HOWEVER I AM VERY SAD TO REPORT THAT IT HAS ENDED TRAGICLY…

THE REPORT THAT WE HAVE GOTTEN NOW IS THAT THIS MAN HAD NO TIE TO THE SCHOOL AT ALL!

HE WENT IN DRESSED AS A TEENAGER, IN A HOODIE AND A PAIR OF JEANS.

HE APPARENTLY TOOK 6 TEENAGE GIRLS HOSTAGE. THROUGH THE DAY HE HAD LET 4 GO AND KEPT THE LAST 2 TO SIMPLY PROTECT HIMSELF FROM S.W.A.T. (HE WAS USING THEM AS SHIELDS, PIG!!)

HUBBY NEVER GOT CALLED OUT, THANK GOD! BUT, HE WAS ON STANDBY FOR MOST OF THE DAY!

WE HEARD THAT AS S.W.A.T. WAS ENTERING THE ROOM, HE LET ONE GIRL GO AND THEN QUICKLY SHOT THE OTHER AND THEN HIMSELF, COWARD.

THEY TOOK HER TO DENVER VIA: FLIGHT FOR LIFE BECAUSE SHE WAS IN CRITICAL CONDITION… SHE DIED DURING THE SURGERY WHERE THEY WERE ATTEMPTING TO SAVE HER LIFE.

SHE WAS 16 AND HAD HER ENTIRE LIFE AHEAD OF HER… ALL SHE WAS WRONG FOR DOING WAS GOING TO SCHOOL…

I AM TRULY SAD AND SICK FOR THE PAIN THAT HER PARENTS, FRIENDS, TEACHERS AND THE OTHER LOCAL PEOPLE MUST BE FEELING, AND ALSO FOR THE OTHER STUDENT THAT HAD TO ENDOUR THAT.

WHEN IS THIS SHIT GOING TO STOP? WHAT MAKES SOMEONE SO FUCKING WACKED OUT OF THEIR MIND THAT THEY GO INTO A HIGH SCHOOL AND OPEN FIRE ON A BUNCH OF KIDS THAT THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW?

I AM CONFUSED AND SO VERY ANGRY.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND PRAYERS, I APPRECIATE YOU.

THIS JUST IN:

THERE IS A HIGH SCHOOL THAT OUR KIDS TRAVEL ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO TO  PARTICIPATE IN SPORTS… A LOT…

IT IS PLATTE CANYON HIGH SCHOOL IN BAILEY, COLORADO THAT WE JUST GOT REPORT WENT UNDER S.W.A.T. AND JEFFERSON COUNTY BOMB SQUAD… THERE IS AN ACTIVE SHOOTER IN THE SCHOOL WITH A BOMB THAT HAS AT THIS POINT AT LEAST 4 HOSTAGES…  (WE DON’T KNOW IF THEY ARE STUDENTS, TEACHERS OR WHAT) THE AUTHORITIES ARE ACTIVLY ATTEMPTING TO EVACUATE THE SCHOOL AS WE SPEAK (IN SMALL TOWNS LIKE THIS, THE MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL ARE ALL ONE BUILDING, JUST SEPERATE ENTITIES…)

THERE ARE 6 SURROUNING SCHOOLS THAT ARE ALSO ON TOTAL LOCK DOWN.

THIS SHIT IS WAY TOO CLOSE TO HOME!

MY HUBBY IS  S.W.A.T. HERE AND IS PREPARING TO GO ON STAND BY AS NEEDED AS I TYPE…

I WILL KEEP YOU ALL INFORMED!

PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR CHILDREN!

(ABOVE IS A PICTURE FROM THE COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL INCIDENT IN LITTLETON COLORADO)

Entry for September 27, 2006

(“DEAR LORD-IS IT STILL WEDNESDAY? PLEASE MAKE THE REST OF THE WEEK FINISH FAST SO THAT I CAN GO FOR A DRINK ON FRIDAY!”)

BLOG # 2 TODAY

HELLO ALL!

I HAVE NOTICED THAT ARE A LOT OF YOU THAT POST RECIPES ON HERE AND SO I THOUGH THAT I WOULD POST MY SECRET WEAPON…

RHODES BREAD DOUGH!

I LOVE THIS STUFF!

WE USE IT A LOT!

I USUALLY PUT A FROZEN LOAF (YOU CAN GET 5 FROZEN LOAVES FOR ABOUT $4.00 AT WALMART) IN A ZIPLOCK BAG AND TRY TO SQUEEZE ALL OF THE EXTRA AIR OUT OF IT AND LEAVE IT ON THE COUNTER, BEFORE I GO TO BED AT NIGHT.

THE NEXT EVENING IT IS TOTALLY THAWED OUT AND RAISED (OR, YOU CAN SIMPLY SET IT INTO A LIGHTLY GREASED BREAD PAN, COVER WITH A KITCHEN TOWELL AND LET IT SET AND RISE) AND READY TO MAKE YOU DINNER WITH!

THIS ALSO WORKS GREAT FOR CINNAMON ROLLS… AFTER YOU THAW IT OUT, ROLL A LOAF OUT FLAT, LIGHTLY BUTTER, SPRINLE BROWN SUGAR AND CINNAMON, ADD NUTS OR RAISENS IF YOU WOULD LIKE THEN ROLL INTO A TUBE, CUT OFF “WHEELS, PLACE IN A GREASED PAN, COVER AND LET RISE AGAIN… I USUALLY BAKE AT 350 FOR ABOUT 20-30 MINUTES… COVER WITH AN ICING (POWDERED SUGAR, A LITTLE MILK AND A TOUCH OF VANILLA EXTRACT!)

YOU CAN ROLL OUT THE LOAF AND USE IT FOR A PIZZA CRUST, SPREAD ON PIZZA / SPAGETTI SAUCE, MOZZ CHEESE, PEPPERONI, VEGGIE’S, WHAT EVER YOUR PIZZA TOPPINGS MIGHT BE. BAKE @350 FOR ABOUT 20 – 30 MINUTES 

PINCH OFF PALM SIZED BALLS, ROLL THOSE OUT AND DEEP FRY (FOR FRY BREAD).THOSE ARE REALLY GOOD SERVED WITH A STEW! OR USE LARGER PIECES TO BUILD A NAVAHO TACO WITH.

PINCH OFF A LITTLE BIT BIGGER BALLS AND ROLL THOSE OUT, SPREAD WITH PIZZA SAUCE (OR A SPOON FULL OF SPAGETTI SAUCE), COVER IN MOZZ. CHEESE, PEPPERONI, SAUSAGE, ONIONS, OLIVES (WHAT EVER YOU WOULD LIKE), FOLD AND PINCH EDGES TOGETHER FOR CALZONES, BAKE @ 350 FOR ABOUT 30 – 35 MINUTES!. THESE ARE BEST SERVED WITH A PASTA SALAD (MULTI COLORED SPIRAL PASTA, A SMALL BOTTLE OF FAT FREE SPICY ITALIAN DRESSING, SLICED PEPERONI, CHOPPED TOMATOES, BROCCOLI HEAD PIECES, SLICED CUCUMBERS AND CHOPPED GOLDEN BELL PEPPERS)

WE REALLY LIKE TO BROWN ABOUT A POUND OF HAMBURGER (TURKEY BURGER) AND “FRY” SOME POTATO’S (I TRY TO USE MOST HEART HEALTHY COOKING STUFF, SOMETIMES I FAIL!) ADD IN A SMALL CAN OF DICED MILD GREEN CHILLIS. PINCH OFF BALLS OF DOUGH, ROLL IT OUT AND FILL WITH THE ABOVE MIXTURE AND VOI-LA “MANUELLOS”… ADD SOME SHREDDED CHEDDAR / COLBY CHEESE, FOLD OVER, PINCH EDGES AND DEEP FRY. THESE ARE GREAT WHEN THEY ARE SERVED WITH SPANISH RICE!

THAT IS MY INPUT ON “FOOD FOR THOUGHT”

IF ANY OF YOU CAN COME UP WITH MORE IDEAS, LET ME KNOW… I AM ALWAYS UP FOR NEW ONES!

The rules of the game are 
Each player on this game starts with 6 weird things or habits, about themselves. People who get tagged need to write their own blog of their own 6 weird things/habits. State these rules
clearly to others. At the end, you need to choose 6 other people to be tagged and list their names at the bottom of the blog. Dont forget to leave the comment and say..”TAG, YOU’RE  IT!”  And tell them to read your blog, and to please play the game

1~ I LOVE MIDGETS, I WANT ONE OF MY OWN!

2~ I HATE KIEFER SUTHERLAND, HE CREAPS ME OUT!

3~ I CAN’T CLIMB INTO A BED AT NIGHT THAT HAS NOT BEEN MADE!

4~ I AM VERY O.C.D….I ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE MY BLINDS (ON THE WINDOWS) TURNED THE RIGHT WAY… IT MAKES MY CrAzY WHEN THEY ARE THE “WRONG” WAY

5~ RIGHT NOW I AM  TOTALLY ADDICTED TO HOT WINGS!

6~ I HAVE ALWAYS FELT (SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL) THAT I AM GOING TO DIE FROM BREAST CANCER.

I AM TAGGING: LEIGH, SHAY, MUFFIN, MICHELLE (SHE WON’T RESPOND), JESSICA AND BOBBY! (NEITHER WILL HE!)

BLOG # 4 TODAY

“GOD, I HOPE THAT I DIDN’T JUST PISS MYSELF!”

BLOG # 3 TODAY

“MY DADDY THINKS THAT I LOOK PURDY IN PONY TAILS”

BLOG # 2 TODAY

HOW ABOUT…

“I HATE THESE ASSHOLES!”

Entry for September 26, 2006

HELLO!

SORRY I DIDN’T GET BACK IN HERE YESTERDAY… I GOT SEMI BUSY!

ANYWAY TO DRAG OUT WHAT I WAS SAYING YESTERDAY ABOUT MEETING THE NEW GRANNY… SHE ROCKS!

I LOVE HER!

WE GOT TO THE IN-LAWS (MY SON ACTUALLY WANTED TO GO WHICH IS STRANGE, THERE IS VERY BAD BLOOD THERE, MAINLY WITH ME, MY SON AND MY BITCHY SISTER-IN-LAW, STEPHANIE)…

ANYHOODLE, WE PICKED UP HANNAH (“BOO’S” ON AGAIN, OFF AGAIN SWEETY) BECAUSE SHE WAS IN TOWN FOR A SOCCER TOURNAMENT AND OF COURSE HER WORTHLESS PIECE OF CRAPOLA MOTHER WAS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! (OH BUT SINCE MY BROTHER-IN-LAW PAT WAS THERE… AS WE WERE LEAVING TOWN WITH HER DAUGHTER TO BRING HER HOME TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS 8 MILES OUT OF TOWN, SHE WAS HEADING IN TO TOWN TO SPEND THE NEXT 2 DAYS SCREWING PAT! DID I MENTION THAT I THINK THAT SHE IS A TOTAL TRAMP?)

WE WENT FROM THERE RIGHT TO THE IN-LAWS HOUSE… GRANNY WAS WONDERFUL! ALSO HUBBY’S AUNT (GRANNY’S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER CINDY AND HER HUBBY SHAWN, WHO IS ALSO A POLICE OFFICER) WERE THERE AND INSTANTLY MY SISTER-IN-LAW COPPED ATTITUDE, SO AFTER A QUICK MEETING, I SCRAMMED AND TOOK HANNAH AND “BOO” DOWN TO MEET UP WITH SOME OF THEIR FRIENDS.

I WENT BACK AND WE VISITED UNTIL LIKE 10:30pm (THANK GOD THE WICKED SISTER-IN-LAW LEFT NOT TOO LONG AFTER I GOT BACK)… IT WAS NICE!

WE THEN HEADED TO MY AUNT AND UNCLE’S HOUSE… MY UNCLE ART IS IN TOWN (HE IS MY MOM’S YOUNGEST BROTHER) SO WE WOKE HIM UP AND HUBBY, MY SISTER TIFF, “BOO”, HANNAH, ART AND MYSELF VISITED UNTIL LIKE 2:30am.

WE HEADED FROM THERE TO MY BROTHER-IN-LAWS HOUSE (HE WAS OUT OF TOWN, BUT HAD LEFT US A KEY TO HIS HOUSE) FOR A LITTLE BIT OF SLEEP!

WE WERE UP, SHOWERED AND OUT THE DOOR BY 8:30 am (HUBBY HAD A SLIGHT HANGOVER) TO MEET UP WITH SOME FRIENDS FOR GRUB! THAT WAS ALSO A GREAT VISIT!

BACK OUT TO THE IN-LAWS FOR A LITTLE MORE GRANNY TIME (NO STEPHANIE…~HOORAY~!)

GRANNY AND CREW LEFT TO HEAD BACK TO UTAH (AFTER WE LOOKED AT A TON OF PICTURES AND MY MOTHER-IN-LAW MADE ABOUT A ZILLION COPIES) AND WE WERE RIGHT BEHIND THEM ENROUTE TO MOVE CAROLYN…

HUBBY AND “BOO” GOT THE STUFF ALL MOVED DOWN THE STAIRS AND WE ALL LOADED EVERY VEHICLE THAT WE COULD… THANKFULLY, MY OTHER BROTHER-IN-LAW CAME OUT TO HELP BECAUSE “BOO” (AND HANNAH) WENT WITH HIS BIOLOGICAL DAD FOR A WHILE AND HUBBY NEEDED TO HAVE HELP LIFTING ALL OF THE HEAVY SHIT.

WE DID GET HER ALL MOVED (IN ONLY 2 LOADS, SHE HAD DONE ALL OF THE REST ON HER OWN), I GOT THE KIDS AND WE HIT McDONALDS… NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WERE ALL VERY TIRED AND SORE, ESPECIALLY HUBBY!

WE GOT HOME AT ABOUT 12:00 am… NEEDLESS TO SAY…MONDAY SUCKED!

AND THAT MY FRIENDS, IS THE REST OF THE STORY!

(ABOVE IS A PICTURE OF MY HUBBY AND HIS NEW GRANNY’S MOM, HIS GREAT GRANNY… ISN’T IT WEIRD HOW MUCH THEY LOOK ALIKE? HE HATES THAT PICTURE!)

HELLO…I HAVE HAD A VERY BUSY WEEKEND AND I AM GOING TO ATTEMPT TO SUM IT ALL UP IN 2 BLOGS TODAY…

THIS FIRST BLOG IS ALL ABOUT “KARMA”…

SOME PEOPLE MIGHT NOT ALWAYS BELIEVE IN IT, HOWEVER I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THAT YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!

YOU SEE, EVERY SINGLE TIME THAT SOMETHING CRAPPY HAPPENS TO ME, MY FIRST THOUGHT INSTED OF THE AVERAGE “WHY ME?” IS ALWAYS… “THIS IS 10 FOLD TO SOMETHING I HAVE DONE TO SOMEONE ELSE…OUCH!“

I ONCE USED TO HAVE A FRIEND LAYLA, AND I ALWAYS ALLOWED HER TO TREAT ME BADLY, HOWEVER I AM A SCORPIO AND WHEN SHE CROSSED THE LINE BY SLEEPING WITH MY EX-HUSBAND… THE STINGER CAME OUT AND THE ATTACK WAS ON!

SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY “UGLY” TO EVERYONE AROUND HER AND JUST AN ALL AROUND BAD PERSON… HER KARMA IS THAT SHE HAS LIVED A HARD LIFE FOR SOMEONE OUR AGE (DRUGS AND SUCH… ALL BY HER CHOICE) AND WHEN I LAID EYES ON HER A FEW MONTHS AGO FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, I COULD SEE THE 10 FOLD THAT SHE GOT… SHE WAS ALWAYS A VERY VANE AND NARSASTIC (I KNOW THAT IT IS SPELLED WRONG) PERSON WHO HAS SPENT EVERY DIME OF MONEY THAT SHE HAS SWENDLED OUT OF EVERY GOVERNMENT PROGRAM TO SEE THE BEST DERMATOLOGISTS AND STAY ON TOP OF HER POOR SKIN, WELL FOLKS… SHE LOOKS OLD! NOT A LITTLE OLDER THAT WE ACTUALLY ARE… LIKE 20 – 30 YEARS OLDER (SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE IS IN HER 50′S OR 60′S AND SHE IS  34)…

HER KARMA IS OBVIOUS!

THE PURPOSE BEHIND THIS BLOG IS THAT FOR ANY OF YOU WHO HAVE READ MY BLOGS, YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS AND SOME OF THEM I HAVE HAD FOR MOST OF MY LIFE.

“LOLA” (JAIMIE) AND I HAD A FALLING OUT (NOT REALLY, WE JUST QUIT TALKING AFTER A VERY HATEFUL E-MAIL THAT I RECIEVED FROM HER ROOM-MATE JOHN THAT I KNOW SHE HELPED TO WRITE, WHICH CONTAINED SOME OF THE MOST HORID THINGS THAT HAVE EVER BEEN SAID TO ME AND SHE BROKE MY HEART.) AFTER MY SURGERY IN JUNE (JUST WHEN I NEEDED HER MOST) AND HAVE NOT SPOKE IN OVER 3 MONTHS…

WELL, MY FAMILY AND I WENT TO JCT THIS WEEKEND (TO MEET THE NEW GRANNY, STAY TUNED FOR THOSE DETAILS) AND AS I GOT THERE, MY FRIEND MICHELLE CALLED TO READ TO ME AN E-MAIL SHE HAD JUST RECIEVED…

Entry for September 22, 2006

THINKING OF ALL OF YOU…

ON A LIGHTER NOTE…

I HAVE WAITING VERY PATIENTLY FOR TONIGHT SEASON OF GRAY’S ANATOMY!

I AM SO EXCITED THAT I JUST WANT TO GET THIS DAY OVER WITH, GET DINNER DONE AND BE TOTALLY NESTLED IN BY THE TIME THE SHOW BEGINS!

IT IS NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME WITHOUT DENNY, BUT I’LL BET THAT IT STILL ROCKS!

PIRATES # 5

EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE PIRATE!

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK  SHE WAS  THINKING?

80′s BLOG # 3

PICK OUT YOURSELF IN THIS CREW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE THINKING…

(USE YOUR IMAGINATION)

80′S BLOG # 2

PLEASE GIVE THIS PICTURE A TITLE!

I LIKE “THE FAMILY THAT SPRAYS TOGETHER… STAYS TOGETHER!”

Entry for September 15, 2006

~ YOU’VE EVER ENDED A SENTENCE WITH “PSYCHE!”

~YOU HAD BIG HAIR, AND YOU KNEW HOW TO USE IT!

~YOU KNEW SOMONE WHO’S PARENT GOT INJURED ATTEMPTING TO BUY A “CABBAGE PATCH KID” AND WISHING THAT IT WAS YOUR PARENT

~YOU EVER DRESSED LIKE DON JOHNSON

~YOU KNOW EVERY WORD TO THE “FACTS OF LIFE” THEME SONG

~YOU EVER WORE BIKER SHORTS UNDER A MINI SKIRT AND FELT TOTALLY STYLISH!

~YOU HAVE EVER OWNED LEG WARMERS AND A LEOTARD

~YOU EVER DREAMED OF BEING THE “KNIGHT RIDER”

~YOU HAVE EVER WORN A POYTAIL ON THE SIDE OF YOUR HEAD

~YOU HAVE MADE A “COOTIE CATCHER”

~YOU COULDN’T WAIT TO OWN YOUR OWN TRANS-AM (A BLACK ONE WITH A GIANT GOLD EAGLE PAINTED ON THE HOOD)

~YOU EVER ATE A HAND FULL OF “POP ROCKS” AND DRANK A COKE ON A DARE!

~YOU REMEMBER WHO SHOT “JR”

~YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT SHE-RA (PRINCESS OF POWER) AND HE-MAN SHOULD HOOK UP

~OWNED JELLY SHOES!

~YOU REMEMBER THE “WHERE’S THE BEEF” COMMERCIALS

~YOU THOUGHT THAT GEORGE MICHAELS WAS “HOT” (OR EVEN  STRAIGHT)

~KEPT YOUR TENNIS SHOES ON YOUR FEET WITH THE AMAZING INVENTION OF…VELCROW

~YOU WERE EVER SERIOUSLY INJURED ON A “SLIP-N-SLIDE”

~WORE MULTIPLE PAIRS OF SOCKS AT ONE TIME TO MATCH YOUR SHIRT

~YOU REMEMBER WATCHING “FANTASY ISLAND” AND BEING SCARED (AND NOT JUST BY THE MIDGET)

~YOU HAD MORE THAN # 3 BUTTONS PINNED ON YOUR JEAN JACKET

~YOU KNEW WHAT THE “CARE BEAR STARE” WAS (OR YOU COULD NAME AT LEAST # 2 OF THEM)

~EVER FANTISIZED ABOUT MARRYING ”CHACHI” (SCOTT BAYO FROM HAPPY DAYS) OR “SAMANTHA MACELLI” (ALYSSA MILANO FROM WHO’S THE BOSS)

~EVER WORE BLUE EYESHADOW

~EVER STYLED YOUR HAIR LIKE A MEMBER FROM “FLOCK OF SEAGULLS”… ON PURPOSE!

~EVER TRIED OR SUCCEEDED IN DOING THE BACK SPIN OR THE WORM

~YOU REMEMBER THE T.V. SHOW “GREATEST AMERICAN HERO”… AND IT’S THEME SONG!

~THOUGHT THAT MOLLY RINGWALD OR ROB LOWE WERE “TOTALLY AWESOME”

~WANTED TO BE MOLLY RINGWALD OR ROB LOWE

~OWNED A SWATCH WATCH (OR A CHEAP WANNA’ BE)

~YOU EVER TAPED A PICTURE TO YOUR WALL THAT YOU TORE OUT OF YOUR “TEEN BEAT” MAGAZINE

~LOVED YOUR “TRAPPER KEEPER” 

~YOU KNEW MOST OF THE WORDS (AND THE DANCE STEPS TOO) TO THE SONG “THRILLER!”

~YOU JUST SANG A PART OF THAT SONG TO YOURSELF

~YOU THOUGH THAT RALPH MACHIO FROM THE “KARATE KID” WAS 100% AMERICAN BAD ASS

~YOU HAD A “B.F.F.” THAT YOU EXCHANGED FRIENDSHIP PINS WITH (THE LITTLE SAFETY PINS WITH COLORFUL LITTLE BEADS ON THEM THAT YOU WORE ON YOUR SHOES)

~ YOU REMEMBER WHEN MULLETS WERE COOL

~YOU HAD A MULLET… AND FLAUNTED IT!

~SCRATCH AND SNIFF… ANYTHING!

~CONVERSE TENNIS SHOES

~YOU KNEW ALL OF THE WORDS TO “WE ARE THE WORLD”

~BANANA CLIPS

~YOU USED TO SAY (AND SOMETIMES STILL DO) “WHAT YOU TALKIN’ ‘BOUT WILLIS?”

~EVER WORE BLACK RUBBER MADONNA BRACELETS

~YOUR NOW TRYING TO REMEMBER SOME OF THE WORDS TO “WE ARE THE WORLD”

~L.A.GEAR… NEED I SAY MORE? 

Entry for September 14, 2006

He’s an island boy
Now he’s an island boy
Living his life where stress is the enemy
Now he’s an island boy
A stone’s throw from St. Croix
He’s finally found his piece of serenity

Now he tends bar at the Old Mango
And he sees tourists come and go
With their pressed pants and camera case
Too much sun burned on their face
Now he watches the snow on CNN
With all of his dope-smokin’ friends
Just look at the hell they must be in
Swears he won’t go back again

He’s an island boy
Now he’s an island boy
Living his life where stress is the enemy
Now he’s an island boy
A stone’s throw from St. Croix
He’s finally found his piece of serenity

You know the love of his life has always been Emily
She loves the man she sees
In her island boy
Now he’s an island boy
Living his life where stress is the enemy
Now he’s an island boy
A stone’s throw from St. Croix
He’s finally found his piece of serenity

Island boy
A stone’s throw from St. Croix
Island boy
Island boy

By: Kenny Chesney

HELLO…

AS ALL OF YOU KNOW, I WORK IN A DOCTOR’S CLINIC AS A PHLEBOTOMIST.

WELL, THIS MEANS THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PUBLIC… I GENERLY DO FINE BUT OCASIONALLY I GET A “UNCLE PERVERT” OR A “NASTY AUNT BETTY” IN HERE…

TODAY WAS THE DAY!

I WAS WEARING A SCRUB TOP ( JUST LIKE THE ONE ABOVE, ONLY NOT… IT HAD SHORT SLEEVES AND WAS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PRINT)…

I HAD A PATIENT COME UP TO MY WINDOW AND SAY…”THERE ARE NO BEES ON THAT SHIRT”…

I SMILED LIKE “WHO GIVES A SHIT?’ RIGHT…

HE THEN SAYS “THEY MUST HAVE GOTTEN SCARED”

I LOOKED UP AND SAID “HUH?”

HE SAID “YOU KNOW… BY YOUR ~BOO-BEES~“ THE ENTIRE TIME HE KEPT STARING AT MY TITS!!

IT WAS SO WRONG!

HE WAS LIKE 85 AND WAS STANDING THERE WITH HIS WIFE… WTF? SHE HEARD HIM, I KNOW SHE DID…

WHERE THE HELL IS HER TACT SINCE HE HAS NONE?

I FELT LIKE MOLLY RINGWALD IN THAT SCENE FROM “SIXTEEN CANDLES” WHEN HER GRANDMOTHER FEELS HER UP… I SWEAR HE WOULD HAVE IF IT WASN’T FOR THIS COUNTER…

THANK GOD FOR THIS COUNTER!

GREAT, NOW I CAN’T WEAR IT AGAIN AND THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES… DAMNIT!

THIS IS MY LIFE.

# 3

HE WASN’T MY TYPE ANYWAY!

LMAO!

# 2

LMFAO!!!

I COULDN’T EVEN TYPE THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE!

Entry for September 14, 2006

UNDER THE SEA # 5

I HAD ALWAYS HEARD ABOUT THE “PENIS” IN THE CASTLES FROM THIS MOVIE, BUT UNTIL I FOUND THIS PICTURE OF KING TRITIN… I HAD NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN IT!

LMAO!

THIS IS GREAT!!!

HOW DID THIS NOT GET SEEN?

SEBASTIAN…

HE IS MY MOST FAVORITE. HE IS A “CRABBY” JAMIACAN CRAB WHO IS SUPER SASSY AND IS ALWAYS TRYING TO TALK SOME SINCE INTO SOMEONE…

HE IS KING TRITIN’S MAIN MAN. THE KING IS ARIEL’S DAD.

KING TRITIN ORDERS SEBASTIAN TO KEEP AN EYE ON ARIEL AND HE IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT HAVING TO BABYSIT… ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE TAKES HIM ON ONE HECK OF AN ADVENTURE.

THIS IS THE SONG THAT HE SINGS TO HER:

The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else's lake
You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for?

Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea

Down here all the fish is happy
As off through the waves they roll
The fish on the land ain't happy
They sad 'cause they in their bowl
But fish in the bowl is lucky
They in for a worser fate
One day when the boss get hungry
Guess who's gon' be on the plate

Under the sea
Under the sea
Nobody beat us
Fry us and eat us
In fricassee
We what the land folks loves to cook
Under the sea we off the hook
We got no troubles
Life is the bubbles
Under the sea
Under the sea
Since life is sweet here
We got the beat here
Naturally
Even the sturgeon an' the ray
They get the urge 'n' start to play
We got the spirit
You got to hear it
Under the sea

The newt play the flute
The carp play the harp
The plaice play the bass
And they soundin' sharp
The bass play the brass
The chub play the tub
The fluke is the duke of soul
(Yeah)
The ray he can play
The lings on the strings
The trout rockin' out
The blackfish she sings
The smelt and the sprat
They know where it's at
An' oh that blowfish blow

Under the sea
Under the sea
When the sardine
Begin the beguine
It's music to me
What do they got? A lot of sand
We got a hot crustacean band
Each little clam here
know how to jam here
Under the sea
Each little slug here
Cuttin' a rug here
Under the sea
Each little snail here
Know how to wail here
That's why it's hotter
Under the water
Ya we in luck here
Down in the muck here
Under the sea

Entry for September 12, 2006

HELLO!

ALRIGHT BOYS & GIRLS… THIS IS HOW IT IS GOING TO GO…

I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL SOME (FAIRLY HARD) CLUES AND EVEN A FEW LINES FROM THIS SONG.

YOU WILL ALL THEN HAVE UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING TO ANSWER NOT ONLY THE TITLE OF THE SONG BUT THE ARTIST TOO!!!

THE WINNER WILL BE CROWNED THE SMARTEST BLOGGER IN THE HISTORY OF BLOGGING AND, WELL THE WINNER!

GOOD LUCK ALL!!!!!

HERE WE GO:

THIS WAS A FOUR MEMBER BAND

THIS HIT WAS RELEASED IN 1983

ONE LINE FROM THIS SONG IS: “WHEN WE CLING OUR LOVE IS STRONG, WHEN YOUR GONE, YOUR GONE FOREVER”

THE LEAD SINGERS FATHER WAS THE MANAGER FOR A BOXING CLUB

THIS WAS A HIT OFF OF THIS GROUPS SECOND ALBUM

ANOTHER LINE WAS :”I’M A MAN WHO DOESN’T KNOW, HOW TO SELL A CONTRADICTION”

…GO…!!!

(P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTIN!)

REMEMBERING 9/11/01

Where Were You
(Alan Jackson)

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below

Did you burst out in pride
For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teaching  a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her
Did you dust off that bible at home
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Speak with some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

The greatest is love
The greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day

ALASKA DAY # 3, LAST ONE

AFTER SPENDING THE ENTIRE WEEKEND TRYING TO OVERCOME OUR ISSUES AND FEARS…

TIFFANY WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND….

WE ALL SPENT THE DAY AT THE OCEAN WATCHING THE “POLAR BEAR CLUB” DO THEIR ICE SWIMMING AND SHE WENT… TOTALLY AGAINST HER WILL BUT STILL WILLING TO BE A TEAM PLAYER!

SHE WAS VERY NOT INTERESTED IN THE ENTIRE EVENT, HOWEVER ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGH THE DAY… TIFFANY BECAME THE MOST HEROIC OF ALL OF US…

SHE ACTUALLY GOT INTO A COSTUME AND BECAME THE MASCOT FOR THE “POLAR CREW!”

EVEN THOUGH HER SEVERE HATRED FOR POLAR BEARS WAS ALMOST MURDEROUS… SHE DID IT!

SHE WAS SO FOOT LOOSE AND FANCY FREE IN THAT BIG WHITE BEAR COSTUME WITH HER RED SCARF FLYING IN THE WIND!!!

SHE WAS TRULY…

THE WIND BENEATH OUR WINGS!

“WAY TO GO TIFF, WAY TO GO!”

AND THAT BOYS AND GIRLS, IS HOW MY CREW DOES AN ALASKIN VACATION!

NEXT WEEKS ADVENTURE IS ALL SHARON!

UNTIL NEXT TIME AMERICA!!!

ALASKA DAY # 3

I AM GOING TO POST CAROLYN’S ACCOMPLISHMENT IN THIS BLOG…

WELL, I AM NOT TOTALLY SURE THAT IS AN ACOMPLISHMENT, BUT IN THE FEW DAYS WE WERE THERE… SHE DID MANAGE…

TO START AN ALL GIRL GANG!

THEY REFER TO THEMSELVES AS “KANEQ YUK” OR “THE FROST PEOPLE”… I AM NOT EXACTLY SURE WHY THEY ARE CALLED THAT, BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW CAROLYN ENJOYS COULTURE!

I KNOW THAT THEY ALL HANG OUT IN AN IGLOO, LISTENING TO THE SEX PISTOLS AND TALKING ABOUT CAROLYN, HER SHOES, HER DOG AND HER HANDBAGS…

THEY ARE VERY FEARED AND ONLY WOMEN WHO PASS AN EXTENSIVE INIATION GET IN!!!

THEY HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TAKE $20.00 INTO ROSS DRESS FOR LESS AND BUY THEIR LEADER A REALLY CUTE HANDBAG (NAME BRAND OF COURSE), A PAIR OF LITTLE TINY SHOE AND THEN BITCH SLAP THE CASHIER WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING AN EYE!

OTHER TRIBES IN THIS AREA ARE TERRIFIED OF THESE BITE SIZED BULLIES!

HER “PEEPS” WERE ALL SAD TO SEE HER GO AND PROMISED TO KEEP IN TOUCH.

NEXT, WE WILL DISGUSS TIFFANY’S ADVENTURE AND HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS…

STAY TUNED!

(HERE THEY ARE, DON’T LET THEIR AGE FOOL YOU… THEY ARE ALL 100% BAD ASS!)

I AM JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY AVATAR AND HER VACATION BECAUSE MY DAY WAS ~ S~T~R~A~N~G~E~!

ANYHOODLE…

IN AVATAR LAND…

TODAY WAS SHARONS DAY TO “WEAR THE CROWN” SO TO SPEAK…

WE HAD ALL JUST FINISHED GETTING READY FOR THE DAY AND SHARON SAID THAT SHE HAD A SURPRISE FOR.

WE ALL GOT INTO HER S.U.V. AND HEADED TO THE INDOOR ARENA.

ONCE WE ALL GOT SEATED, SHAY SAID THAT SHE HAD ANOTHER SURPRISE AND THAT SHE WOULD BE RIGHT BACK… WE ALL SAT IN ANTICIPATION.

AFTER ABOUT 20 MINUTES, THIS LITTLE ESKIMO WOMAN CAME OUT AND BEGAN TO SING THE NATIONAL WOMAN.

WE ALL BEGAN TO WORRY… WHERE THE HELL WAS SHAY?

SHORTLEY AFTER THAT THE “ALL GIRL ALASKAN ASS KICKERS” WERE ANNOUNCED, ONE BY ONE THEY SKATED OUT AND FINALLY, OVER THE LOUD SPEAKERS WE ALL HEARD…”#23, SHARON – THE SUPER SLUT!”…

WE ALL WENT NUTS!!!

A LITTLE MORE THAN HALF WAY THROUGH THE GAME SHE GOT CHECKED AND LOST BOTH OF HER FRONT TEETH, BUT THE ASS WHOOPIN’ THAT THE BITCH WHO DID IT RECIEVED FROM SHAY WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

THAT BOYS AND GIRLS WAS THE DAY THAT A HORTON HEARD A >WHOPWHOP!!<

OFF THE ALASKA BLOGS… 

WELL, UNBEKNOWNST TO ALL OF US, SHE HAD BEEN PRACTICING HER ICE SKATING… AND I MUST SAY…

SHE KICKS ASS!

SHE HAS BECAME SO GOOD IN FACT THAT SHE JOINED AN ALL WOMANS HOCKEY TEAM AND IS THEIR LEAD PLAYER!

THIS IS A QUICK BLOG ABOUT HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE I KNOW THAT ARE PREGNANT…

DON’T THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT CAUSES THIS?

KAY-CEE (MY SISTER) IS DUE IN NOVEMBER. (THIS IS HER 3rd IN 3 YEARS AND SHE IS A SHITTY MOM!!)

MY COUSIN JENNIFER IS DUE, I DON’T KNOW WHEN (SHE IS A 17 YEAR OLD DROP OUT WHO IS PREGNANT BY A 30 YEAR OLD POT HEAD WITH 3 KIDS THAT SHE IS ALREADY RAISING!).

MY COUSIN JIMMY AND HIS WIFE (WHO IS A RECOVERING METH HEAD) ARE PREGNANT (I HOPE THAT SHE DOESN’T SKIP OUT AND LEAVE THIS BABY TO BE RAISED BY A SINGLE FATHER TOOLIKE SHE DID TO THEIR DAUGHTERS!).

MY COUSIN JASON AND HIS WIFE MARIBELLE JUST FOUND OUT THAT THEY ARE PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST BABY… THIS IS A GOOD THING!

MY FRIEND MONICA IS PREGNANT… HER DAUGHTER IS 17…OOPS!

AND …

MY FRIEND LEISA JUST CALLED AND HER AND HER WHITE TRASH TREASURE OF A HUBBY FOUND OUT THIS MORNING THATTHEY ARE ALSO PREGNANT AGAIN… THEIR BABY IS 6 MONTHS OLD AND BETWEEN THEM THEY HAVE 3 OTHER KIDS!

AND, OH YEAH… MY BROTHER WHO IS NOT EVEN DIVORCED FROM HIS WIFE AND THE MOTHER OF HIS 4 CHILDREN ALSO HAS 1 (NOT 2) BABY ON THE WAY HIMSELF!

~WOW~

ARE THESE PEOPLE RETARDED?

BLOG # 3

“I AM VICTORIA’S SECRET, BABY!”

ALASKA DAY #1…STILL

HI THERE FOLKS…

WELL THIS AFTERNOON WAS MY SHINING MOMENT IN TIME…

AFTER JESS HAD THE BIG KILL, WE WERE HEADED OUT TO CELEBRATE & EAT!

WE ENDED UP AT “ALASKA JACK’S CRAB SHACK”… IT WAS GREAT! THE FOOD, EMBIANCE, THE MUSIC AND THE PRICES!

WELL, WE JUST SO HAPPENED TO GET THERE BEFORE THE “FUN FRIDAY FESTIVAL!”

THEY HAVE ALL SORTS OF COMPETITIONS, CONTESTS  AND SUCH…

IT WAS MY DUTY TO ENTER!

I DECIDED TO GO WITH THE “HOLLA FOR A DOLLA” CONTEST!

THE RULES WERE SIMPLE… AFTER YOU FINISH EACH CRAB LEG YOU YELL AND THEY WOULD BRING YOU ANOTHER… YOU WERE PAID $1.00 EACH, AFTER 100…

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WON $395.00 (NEW SEX TOYS FOR EVERYONE!!!) AND THEY HUNG MY PICTURE ON THE WALL!!!

THE LADIES WERE SO DAMNED PROUD!

I DIDN’T BEAT “BAD BILLY BLACK JACK”… HE IS THE CHAMPION WITH AN AMAZING 798 LEGS! I AM GOING TO KEEP WORKING ON IT… I THINK WITH SOME DICIPLINE, I COULD TAKE HIM!

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS…”THANK GOD FOR SPANDEX!”

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR ALL OF THE LOVE AND SUPPORT! 

ALASKA DAY # 1

THIS IS THE PICTURE OF OUR FIRST DAY IN ALASKA WHEN JESSICA ENTERED THAT “BIG GAME” HUNTING CHAMPIONSHIP… AND WON!

SHE GOT THE BIGGEST MOOSE IN THE ENTIRE STATE!

NOT BAD FOR NEVER EVEN PICKING UP A GUN BEFORE HUH?

WE WERE SO PROUD AND SO WAS SHE… SHE HAD THIS PHOTO BLOWN UP TO LIFE SIZE AND ALTERED WITH THE GREEN GLOW SO SHE COULD HANG IT IN HER FRONT ROOM.

WAY TO GO JESS!

WE WERE SO PROUD OF HER!!! 

THIS IS THE FIRST IN A LONG LIST OF BLOGS ABOUT OUR TRIP TO ALASKA…

THIS IS ACTUALLY THE PERFECT TIME FOR A >SHOUT OUT< TO THE TAKITANI FAMILY!

THIS IS MY COUSIN LIBERTY, HER HUSBAND MARK AND THEIR SON’S, NOAH AND NICOLAS.

THEY LIVE IN FAIRBANKS ALASKA AND THAT IS ACTUALLY WHERE MY COUSIN SHAY (HER LITTLE SISTER) IS VISITING AND THE REASON THAT ALL OF THE “AVATARS” ARE GOING THERE TO VISIT!

LIBERTY MET MARK IN HAWAII AND THEY DATED FOR A FEW YEARS BEFORE THEY CONSIDERED MARRIAGE…

THEY ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED IN LAS VEGAS THE DAY BEFORE HUBBY AND I “ELOPED” THERE!

WHEN THEY HAD THEIR FIRST SON, NOAH ALEXANDER YOSHIO TAKITANI… THEY WERE SO EXCITED THAT I DIDN’T THINK THAT THEY WOULD EVER COME DOWN FROM THE NATURAL HIGH!!

LIFE GOES ON AND THEY START TRYING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY (LIB HAD QUITE A FEW MISCARRIAGES, SO BOTH OF HER BOYS WERE VERY PLANNED!)… A FEW YEARS LATER 8/11/06 @ 8:29am… ALONG CAME NICOLAS KEITARO TAKITANI.

THEY ARE GREAT PEOPLE AND AMAZING PARENTS.

I MISS MY COUSIN SO MUCH!

SHE WAS LIKE A BIG SISTER TO ME ALL OF OUR LIVES AND I JUST WISHED THAT THEY WOULD MOVE CLOSER!

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS… THE ONLY “REAL” BLOG REGARDING ALASKA THAT YOU ARE GETTING OUT OF ME!

(MARK, NOAH, NICOLAS AND LIBERTY)

BLOG # 2 TODAY

“HONEY I TOLD YOU THAT THOSE SHOES DID NOT MAKE YOUR ASS LOOK FAT!”

Entry for September 07, 2006

HELLO!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY ABOUT A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A VERY WISE “REDNECK” (IS THERE SUCH A THING?)

I WAS IN JCT. THIS LAST WEEKEND ( BTW…THE DR TOLD ME THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT WITH MY “LOVELY LADY LUMPS” UNLESS THE CLUSTER, YOU READ THAT RIGHT, SEEMED TO BE GROWING…EEEW!) AND HAD AMONG ALL OF THE OTHER COOL THINGS I DID, I WENT TO A BAR-B-QUE AT MY LITTLE SISTERS HOUSE… IT WAS GREAT!

HER DAD (WE’LL CALL HIM “LEON”) WAS IN TOWN AND HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT HER A GRILL AS A HOUSE WARMING GIFT… COOL HUH?

“LEON” IS AN OTR (OVER THE ROAD) TRUCK DRIVER AND TRIES TO GET INTO TOWN TO SEE TIFF AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!

HE IS A LITTLE WEIRD (LIKE HE CALLS US, TIFF AND I “SEXY”…EEEW, BUT HE IS JUST TRYING TO BE COMPLIMENTRY) BUT HE TRULY MEANS WELL. OUT OF ALL OF MY MOTHERS EXHUSBANDS (THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM) HUBBY PREFERS “LEON” OVER ALL OF THEM TO BE AROUND… INCLUDING MY DAD!

“LEON” IS “SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD!”

HE SWEARS THAT HE WILL NEVER LEAVE THE SOUTH!

WELL, I SAW HIM AND SAID “LEON, YOU NEED A HAIRCUT!”

HE TOOK OFF HIS HAT, REVEALING HIS MULLET AND SAID “I JUST GOT ONE!”

I SAID “YEAH, BUT THEY TOTALLY MISSED THE BACK AND MULLETS ARE NOT COOL!”

HE SAID “WHERE I’M FROM A MULLET IS A FISH THAT YOU EAT!”

“YEAH, WELL HERE HONEY… IT IS JUST A BAD HAIRCUT!”

HE SAID “I CAN’T CUT THE BACK OFF.”

I ASKED “WHY?”

“WELL, CUZ WHEN I DRIVE THROUGH ALABAMA, THE BACK OF MY NECK WILL GET ALL BURNT!”

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS… THAT IS HOW THE MULLET ORIGINATED!

TRUE STORY!

(WE ALL LAUGHED SO HARD THAT EVEN HE REALIZED HOW BACKWARDS HE SOUNDED!)

Entry for September 06, 2006

HAVE ALL OF YOU DERANGED FOLKS MISSED ME?

THIS IS A QUICK BLOG ABOUT OUR LAST TRIP… WHEN THE GIRLS (THE AVATERS) WENT TO HAWAII!

MY HUBBY IS STILL THERE… WE HOPE THAT WE CAN GET HIM HOME SOMEDAY!

AS YOU CAN ALL TELL… I GOT ONE HELL OF A TAN!

I SAW JESSICA’S ENTRY ABOUT HER MEMORIES OF THE TRIP… AND SHE SURE CAPTURED THE WAY IT ALL WENT DOWN! 

CAROLYN AND HER DAMNED “BIG GIRL SHOES!”

SHAY AND THAT EXTRA VERTABRE… SHE SURE CAN MOVE!

TIFF, SHE HAS ALWAYS HAD A GREAT NACK FOR MAKING SKIRTS!

JESSICA… SO MUSICALLY SKILLED!

AND I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT WITH SOME INTENCE COUNCELING FROM MY DEAR FRIEND, BOSS AND MINISTER, “DOG” THE BOUNTY HUNTER… THE ABUSE THAT HAPPENED WITH THE MIDGETS AND I IS NOW A THING OF THE PAST AND WE ARE ALL GREAT FRIENDS! WE OCASIONALLY GET TOGETHER ONCE IN A WHILE FOR A RECAP ON THE JUGGELING, GREAT FUN!

HOWEVER I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT JESSICA DID FAIL TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THIS LAST WEEK… WE HAVE ALL REUNITED (SINCE HAWAII), DYED OUR HAIR BLONDE AND POSED FOR PLAYBOY!

WE FIGURED SINCE WE ALL LOOKED SO DAMNED GOOD FOR OUR AGE THAT WE HAD BETTER DO THIS WHILE THE DOING WAS GOOD!

ENJOY THE PICTURE (I KNOW THAT YOU WERE ALL EXPECTING THE NUDIE ONES… BUT I REFUSE TO POST THOSE UNTIL I GET APPROVAL FROM THE LADIES!)

LOVE YA’LL!

I WILL WRITE MORE THIS EVENING!

P.S.

CAROLYN…THE NEXT VACATION IS ALL YOU SISTA!

(FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, TIFFANY, CAROLYN, SHAY, JESSICA AND ME! YEAH… MY HUBBY MADE IT HOME TOO!)

Entry for September 02, 2006

Female Comebacks!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

MY BLOG TODAY IS IN HONOR OF MY NEW WHITE TRASH SUPER HERO AND SINCE HE IS FROM MY STATE AND WE ARE TRAVELEING (THE AVATARS…I KNOW THAT I HAVE NO LIFE) TO HIS STATE ON VACATION, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD GIVE HIM A QUICK SHOUT OUT, SO HERE’S TO…

“DOG”  THE BOUNTY HUNTER!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NEVER WATCHED THIS SHOW ON A&E… YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR MISSING!

DUANE “DOG” CHAPMAN WAS BORN ON 2/1/53  AND RAISED IN DENVER COLORADO. HE WAS ARRESTED MORE THAN 32 TIMES AND ACTUALLY SERVED TIME IN PRISON IN 1977 FOR MURDER BUT HAS SINCE FOUND JESUS AND HIS TRAILOR PARK PRINCESS, BETH.

“DOG” AND BETH HAVE LIVED TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN 16 YEARS AND RECENTLY ON MAY 20, 2006 TOOK THE PLUNGE INTO MARRIAGE…FOOLS! (SERIOUSLY, IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CEREMONIES I HAD EVER SEEN!)

“DOG” NOW WORKS AS A BOUNTY HUNTER WITH HIS CREW…BETH, HIS  BROTHER TIM “YOUNGBLOOD”, SON DUANE LEE AND OTHER SON LELAND IN HONOLULU, HAWAII.

“DOG” HAS BEEN “HUNTING” FOR MORE THAN 27 YEARS AND HAS HAD MORE THAN 6,000 FUGITIVE APREHENSIONS, SOME BELIEVE THAT THIS MULLETT SPORTING BAD ASS IS THE BEST DAMNED BOUNTY HUNTER IN THE WORLD!

HE WAS QUOTED ONCE AS SAYING “IF I COULD GET PERMISSION FROM THE GOVERNMENT, I’D GO GET OSAMA BIN LADIN AND DRAG HIS ASS BACK HERE!”

HELL… SEND HIS ASS, I SAY!

HIS SECOND OLDEST SON,  DUANE LEE ACTUALLY LIVES NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE WE ARE IN COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO.

“DOG” DOESN’T BELIEVE IN CARRING A GUN (AND OH YEAH, LETS NOT FORGET THAT HE IS A CONVICTED FELON)… BUT HE IS NOT AFRAID TO TALK SOME SHIT AND HOSE YOUR ASS WITH HIS PEPER SPRAY FOGGER!

BETH IS “DOG’S” WOMAN. SHE IS NOT ONLY TRASHY, SLUTTY, “COSMETICLY ENHANCED” AND BLEACHED… BUT SHE IS SMART TOO!

AT AGE 21 BETH WAS THE YOUNGEST WOMAN TO EVER BE CERTIFIED AS A BOUNTY HUNTER IN THE STATE OF COLORADO.

“DOG” HAS AN ENTIRE LITTER OF PUPS:

MYSTERY SON, OLDEST

DUANE LEE, 32

LELAND, 30

ZEBADIAH, 25

BARBARA KATIE  6/8/82 – 5/19/06 (WHO WAS TRAGICLY KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT THE DAY BEFORE “DOG” AND BETH’S WEDDING)

“BABY”LYSSA, 19

TUCKER (CURRENTLY SERVING A 20 YEAR SENTENCE FOR DRUGS)

CHRISTOPHER (AGE UNKNOWN)

WESLEY (ALSO, AGE UNKNOWN)

CECILY, 14

BONNIE JO, 8

AND GARY, 6

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS… THE ONE, THE ONLY…

“DOG” THE BOUNTY HUNTER!

(THE ABOVE IS NOT ACTUALLY “DOG”  BUT MY HUBBY’S FRIEND, AARON! HARD TO TELL THEM APART HUH?)

A MOMENT OF SILENCE, PLEASE

TODAY IS THE 9th ANNIVERSARY OF THE DEATH OF PRINCESS DI.

DOES IT SEEM LIKE IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG?

I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A MINUTE TO HONOR HER MEMORY.

Entry for August 31, 2006

I GOT UP SUNDAY, SHOWERED, GOT PACKED AND LOADED MY CAR, SAID MY GOODBYES TO CHARITY  AND I WAS OFF TO GET TIFFANY!

I PICKED HER UP AND WE HEADED TO THE GENGHIS GRILL FOR SOME LUNCH WITH CAROLYN, GABE, TIFFANY, ME AND MY NEW BEST FRIEND J.J. (JEANIE JO, GABE’S LITTLE GIRL TO WHICH HE IS A SINGLE FATHER!).

WE ATE THE MOST INCREDIBLE FOOD!

I AM IN LOVE… YOU ALL MUST TRY IT, IT IS LIKE A CUSTOM MADE STIR FRY… YOU PICK OUT WHAT YOU WANT IN IT AND THEY GRILL IT RIGHT THERE! (THANKS TIFFANY FOR THIS NEW FOUND ADDICTION!).

FROM THERE WE WALKED OVER TO BORDERS BOOK STORE TO HANG OUT AND HAVE COFFEE FROM SEATLES BEST… IT WAS GREAT!!

WE  SOCIALIZED, BULLSHITTED AND HAD A GREAT TIME!

J.J. KEPT TRYING TO OPEN THE BOOKS AND KEPT SAYING “I WANT THIS!”… IT WAS SO DAMNED CUTE!

FROM THERE… IT WAS OFF TO ROSS DRESS FOR LESS (GABE FOUGHT THIS  AS HARD AS HE COULD, AND  LOST!).

THE SHOPPING WAS INCREDIBLE!

WE ALL DECIDED THAT J.J. NEEDED SOME NEW CLOTHES!

WE ALL HAD SO MUCH FUN!

THE ENTIRE DAY WAS ABOUT NO STRUCTURE AND HANGING WITH THE HOMMIES!

AFTER THIS FUN, IT WAS TIME TO TAKE TIFFANY HOME, GET GAS AND GET ON THE ROAD HEADING HOME… I GOT HERE AT ABOUT 9:00pm AND WE BROUGHT THE CLEAN FURNITURE IN FROM THE GARAGE, RE STUFFED THE PILLOWS AND ARRANGED IT THE WAY IT NEEDED TO BE!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS…

NOW THIS WEEKEND MY AVATAR IS IN HAWAII AND I WILL BE HEADING BACK TO JCT. FOR 4 DAYS… I SEE THE SECOND SPECIALIST ABOUT MY NECK FOR THE FOLLOW UP VISIT!

WISH ME LUCK!

GOOD NIGHT, I’LL WRITE MORE TOMORROW!

(THAT IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND J.J.)

BLOG # 2 TODAY

“I SHOULD HAVE NEVER ATE ALL OF THAT EXTRA HOT SAUCE!”

Entry for August 31, 2006

WELL, I LEFT OFF AT FRIDAY NIGHT.. I WAS AT CHARITY’S HOUSE AND HAD WENT TO BED!

SHE CAME IN AND WOKE ME UP AT 7:00am, I SHOWERED AND GOT MY FAT ASS IN THE TRUCK HEADED TO STARBUCKS AND FOR GAS… I WAS ON THE ROAD (WITH A TRUCK THAT WASN’T TARPED AND WAS FULL OF FURNITURE) I WAS HEADED TO OUR HOUSE 3 1/2 HOURS AWAY!

ABOUT AN HOUR OUT… 2 OF THE PILLOWS FLEW OUT OF THE BACK END OF THE TRUCK ON THE HIGHWAY AND IT WAS ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF UP THE ROAD BEFORE I COULD GET PULLED OVER AND STOPPED. I WALKED ALL THE WAY UP TO GET THE PILLOWS, CROSSED THE HIGHWAY TRAFIC AND HEADED BACK TO THE TRUCK… I CLIMBED IN AND SHOVED THE CUSHIONS DOWN SO FAR THAT THEY COULDN’T MOVE IF THEY WANTED TO…

I WAS ON THE ROAD, AGAIN!

I GOT HOME, WE UNLOADED IT (THE RAIN REALLY BEGAN TO FALL THEN!) SHAMPOOED THE FURNITURE AND WASHED ALL OF THE CUSHON COVERS. I WASHED OUT THE INSIDE OF GORDON’S TRUCK (STILL POURING RAIN!) AND WENT IN TO POTTY!

THE STORM LET UP A LITTLE SO HUBBY AND I LOADED OUR FURNITURE IN THE TRUCK SO I COULD TAKE IT TO CAREBEAR AND HE TARPED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!

I GAVE MY HUBBY A QUICK KISS, LOADED MY FAT ASS BACK IN THE TRUCK, STOPPED FOR GAS AND SOME GRUB AND WAS BACK ON THE ROAD!

I WAS ABOUT AN HOUR OUT AND WAS BLOCKED IN BY 2 SEMI TRUCKS THAT WERE GOING 57 IN A 75… SO AS SOON AS I COULD, I BROKE FREE!… HOORAY! I WAS IN THE CLEAR!

NOPE!

LIGHTS WERE FLASHING BEHIND ME!

DAMNIT!

I GOT A $68.80 TICKET FOR GOING 90 IN A 75!

DAMNIT!

ANYWAY…

I MADE IT TO JCT. AT ABOUT 5:15pm AND WAITED UNTIL CAREBEAR SHOWED UP TO HELP ME UNLOAD…

WE THEN WENT TO SEE THIS LITTLE TRAILER THAT SHE WAS LOOKING INTO BUYING ( A TOTAL DIVE AND SHE SAID “OH, HELL NO!”).

WE WERE OFF TO CHARITY’S TO GET READY FOR THE NIGHT…

WE ALL HEADED OUT TO OLD CHICAGOS FOR SOME YUMMY FOOD AND THEN TO “THE SPOTLIGHT” TO SEE THIS ALL GIRL BAND “THE RIVITERS” PLAY (THEY WERE BAD IN THE BAR, BUT CAREBEAR MADE US CD’S WITH SOME OF THEIR SONG ON IT AND THE CD’S WERE GOOD!) FROM THERE TO FAST EDDIE’S AND THEN BACK TO CHARITY’S HOUSE…

YEAH…

BEDTIME!

TO BE CONTINUED…